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My names melissa and i was born on March 31st, 1999 as the only child. i used to be happy. everything was going great, until i started
getting older. when i was in 4th grade, i found it hard to make friends. all the kids where just mean to me and i didn’t know why.
i didn’t know if it was something i did. they would just make fun of me. well, anyways, i only had 4 friends my best friend was Julie, who wasn’t in my class and at the time, we didn’t talk at ALL, my second and third friends were Ashley & Molly who weren’t in my school,
and my last friend was Amber. she was in my class at the time and we always hung out at school. before 5th grade started, Amber and
we promised eachother that if we weren’t in the same class, we would still talk whenever we got the chance. that we would stay in contact.
anyways…
when 4th grade ended, we weren’t in the same classes. I had no friends in that class. it seemed everyone was friends with eachother already and
i was just the outcast. during recess and lunch Amber ignored me. she had other friends now, better friends now. i didn’t go up to them and
like try to join in on her group friends. i guess i wasn’t brave enough. this is where my shyness started too, i guess. i was pretty much a loner
in 5th grade. and i was always such an introvert. when middle school started, i was going to a middle school with Ashley who already went to
that school all her life because the school has Pre-K-8th, so yeah. i wasn’t in the same class with Ashley. it was a totally new school. new people.
new everything. I thought, ”this is where i am going to be a new melissa. no more of that shy, boring melissa” that didn’t happen. bullying
happened. i didn’t fit it in AT ALL. i was placed into the worst class. they always behaved badly. they were all loud and obnoxious.
and they were all bullies. o was bullied because i was the COMPLETE opposite of all of them. i was called so many names. i didn’t do
anything about it because of my shyness. i just suffered in silence. and during gym, recess, and lunch. those times were the worst.
the one who bullied me the most was this total dick, Christian. he didn’t fucking care about anyone’s feelings. FUCK him. he always tried
to embarrass me in front of anyone in school. which was totally easy because I didn’t say anything, i just stood there, and just blushed. i felt like a complete
idiot and i was constantly hating on myself. the way i look, the way i dressed, the way i talked, everything. i hated everything.
and i’ve never felt so alone. school is my personal hell. i fucking hate it. i sometimes faked being sick to
get me out of school. i knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. to run away from problems, but that’s who i am. i’m melissa..
the girl who runs away from her problems. so many days, my mom would drive me to school and i refused to go in there. my mom kept asking
me what was wrong and i didn’t say anything because i was ashamed. i felt like such an idiot because i was letting this happen to me instead of standing up
for myself. all this time i was using the internet as an escape and i still do. you can always find me online. escaping from all the fucking
bullshit in my life. anyways, because of all this i’m extremely fucking shy, i have school phobia, i’ve diagnosed with depression and anxiety,
i’m a self harmer, and i’ve been suicidal. fuck that, still am. every day i think about ending my life. i just don’t see what’s the fucking point,
you know? i’m so worthless. so fucking stupid. i’m a mistake, i’m nothing. i deserve to die. oh, and things have gotten worse. because of all this bullying,
i failed 7th grade and I have to go to summer school. lucky fucking me. i found out i’m bisexual and in love with my best friend. we started
dating on 05.23.12.♥ omfg, BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE FUCKING EVER ♥ but we broke up a week later. she said she was
straight. i can’t tell you how much this hurts. words cannot describe. i love her so much it hurts my head. its driving me crazy knowing i can’t have
her. that she might fall in love with someone else. or even like someone else. because then i just can’t. i just can’t live anymore if she does. she’s everything I ever wanted.
she’s perfect. this girl is so amazing. she’s beautiful, kind, funny, and like i said before, she’s perfect. ♥
i love her so fucking much i really, really do. i love you, kenzie. to infinity, and beyond ♥
but guess what? even after all this, i’m still alive. i don’t know why, but i am. if you ever need someone to talk to, i’m here. don’t even think twice about it, just send me a message. i don’t judge and i’ll always be there for you because i know what its like to have no one. i love you ♥ thanks for reading.
